Boundaries! Pandemic! and the Single Mom Who Works From Home

We are talking about the necessity and benefits of establishing boundaries for ourselves and our kids. As business-minded, entrepreneurial Christian single moms, building in mostly-non-negotiable boundaries benefits us in several ways:

1) We get time for work, devotional time, or housework
2) The kids get alone time to daydream, get bored, and discover their own creativity and it’s outlets.
3) Respect for privacy is taught, caught, and enforced, first by Mom, and later between the kids as they grow.
4) Ability to focus is discovered, encouraged, and used to great benefit for school, work, and creative endeavors.

It is best to begin instilling boundaries when children are still nursing babies. I talk about this in my latest video/podcast. Second-best is beginning this lesson during toddlerhood. Those years spent up to age 5 set the child’s behavioural tone into their teens believe it or not. I’ve witnessed this in my own home as well as observed it in children around me as my own kids grew. [bctt tweet=”Normal must begin before cognitive understanding kicks in so that when -why?- is asked, the answers are educational and bolster why normal boundaries exist.” username=”songdovemd”]

Many single moms scoff at this idea of instilling boundaries in their home, some wondering how long I have been a single mom if I somehow think that’s even possible. I became a single mom when my kids were 3 and 5 and they graduated back in 2013. I worked from home most of their growing up years. With COVID, many moms have been thrown for a loop trying to look after house and home, school their kids AND work. When the kids understand the concept of establishing boundaries, those boundaries can be created and adjusted as life happens. Family conferences can take place in the living room once a week discussing any boundary shifts for the coming week, everyone’s need for gainful productivity such as finishing projects, doing schoolwork and mom getting her own work done. Divying up the chores so everything on the chores list gets accomplished that week, etc. In the single mom household, the kids need to learn to buy into the process of making it work. Even the book of Proverbs talks about how productive children bring joy to their parents and how lazy children bring shame. God says He looks on the ways of a child to know whether their ways be good and right.

The proverbs of Solomon. A wise son maketh a glad father: but a foolish son is the heaviness of his mother.
Proverbs 10:1

Even a child is known by his doings, whether his work be pure, and whether it be right.
Proverbs 20:11

Setting boundaries for Mom means not being worn down by incessant begging or pleading, standing by decisions made, allowing consequences for refusal to listen, and the more tired she gets, the more firm the “no” becomes. When the kids realize Mom meant what she said and there’s no bending her around their finger, they will grow to respect her decisions and learn to function within them. This will take time to reach if the kids are used to forcing Mom’s hand on a regular basis, but once reached, Mom will finally have mental/emotional rest when she puts her foot down and the kids respect her for it. The relief around that can be huge at times and paves the way for improved respectful relations going forward.

[bctt tweet=”Boundaries bring order, peace, and increased efficiency.” username=”songdovemd”]

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